Read the book, bought the tee

    

     During a weekend away at the beach, I devoured Erika Morrison’s book, Bandersnatch.

She encourages us to explore our unconventional soul and she asks us in a way that is 

poetic, lyrical, and forever outside the box.

     Life is not about “going out and fulfilling self-serving acts so that we can feel good 

about ourselves. It’s about being one, being whole, being a family, and being catalysts of 

love and healing back and forth.”

     I bought this book because I fell in love with Morrison’s words on her blog,

The Life Artist. I’ll read it again and again to keep the words fresh in my heart, especially 

when legalism rears up and stops me in my tracks.

     Buy it for yourself and then buy it for the friends who will inevitably come to mind as you 

read it. I know many who have been disappointed by man-made church life and they have 

walked away. I get it. I'm still too Protestant to walk completely away, but so many times 

I’ve felt like I was on the outside looking in through the pretty stained glass windows. I 

couldn’t live up to the expectations that put Jesus and God and Holy Spirit in a pretty box. 

Everything in me wanted to bust right out of the box and scream, “NO! He made me to be so 

much more than you allow me to be.”

     The words of Morrison’s heart echo that and put an exclamation point on abandoning 

boxes and heading straight to the source and saying to Him, “You made me. What now? 

Where are you leading me?” I dare say the answer will be astonishing and unlike anyone 

else's answer.

     

     Go check out this clip she asked me to share, then go buy Bandersnatch and unwrap your 

unconventional soul this Christmas. 

Bandersnatch Trailer

Beyond a Facebook status

     I took a flight to Florida a few weeks ago to see my high school friends. Out of the 400 plus grads of Titusville High 1980, about 100 of us gathered to reminisce and comment on our current Facebook status eye to eye.

Here are a few things I observed:

• Nobody remembers everything (thank goodness), but we do remember moments. We remember how our lives were intertwined for seasons of math, English, marching band, tennis, softball, and chorus. Those memories link us together as we remember teachers from freshman to senior year and growing up from early teens to late teens. The memories become fonder as we catch glimpses of them in the rear view mirror.

• Some things never change. Everyone’s first stop after they write their names on tags in bold print is the group they were associated with in high school breezeways. That’s where the comfort level settles in and frees us to gravitate towards the other groups. Call them cliques or clubs – seeing this tendency takes us all right back to lockers and letter jackets and cheering from metal bleachers.

• The older we get, the more we resemble our parents. We walked in and out of each other’s houses throughout those high school years, sometimes to spend the night, sometimes to just raid the fridge. We remember the parents who fed us and checked on us and kept clean towels in the bathroom. Good or bad, we are now a mirrored reflection of our parents and we said it out loud to each other more often this time.

• No one has lived a charmed life. When we lingered a bit past the pleasantries, we told more stories of heartache and growth, loss and joy. And unlike the fifth year or the tenth year reunions, when we wanted to show brave faces and pictures of perfect children, it was comforting to know we weren’t alone in our struggles after all.

• Some of us are harboring deep wounds. There are smiles and some disguises, but I saw heartache in some of my classmate’s eyes. No matter how much you tried to numb the pain with cups of bravado, we could see and what we want to say to you is that we want to hold you up, not tear you down. We may not have the answers you need, but by this time in life, we have all known great pain. Lean in. We can tell you how we got through it and at least offer hope.

• Relationships – investing in them through the years – that’s what life is about. We grow in those relationships when we tell each other the truth. In five more years, there will be so much more to share and I hope we do it willingly and hold each other up. We made it through the high school physical and emotional roller coasters and those are ties that bind.

     See you in five years, but until then I'll see you on Facebook.

 (Photos stolen shamelessly from our uploads on Facebook during reunion weekend.)

A Day of Yes

     The wildflowers along the interstate applauded my journey 

north. The brilliant yellow and fiery red blooms, gathered in 

patches along the way, cheered me on.

     I took Highway 25 from Greenville and headed toward Bat 
Cave and Hendersonville. I dreamed I was perched in a top-down 
convertible, shifting gears as I climbed through the Blue Ridge 
Mountains. Nevermind the fact that I had the air cranked up in my 
4Runner as I added more miles to the 192,000 already traveled 
behind the wheel.

     I reached the exit in record time. Perhaps it was because I was 
alone and not putting out fires of discontent on the way. This was 
my first trip apple picking without one or both of my boys in tow. I 
missed having them with me, but a new, stronger part of me, urged 
me on.

     The annual apple-picking trip in the fall represented a whole of 
afternoon of yes when the boys were with me:

• Yes we can eat apples as we go.
• Yes you can pick as many as you want.
• Yes we can buy apple cider too, and apple fritters, and apple anything you want.
• Yes we can eat dinner at Sonic and get ice cream for the drive home.

     Saying yes always makes for blissful times as a parent.

 But we all know that there is a whole world of no when it comes 
to raising kids. The days of yes come few and far between.

     As I walked along the rows of early Fuji’s and Galas filling a 
half-bushel basket, I thought about the days of waiting for 
moments just like this one. I pushed away the melancholy of not 
having my boys with me and reveled in being alone. There were so 
many times I dreamed of taking half-day trips alone when I was 
knee-deep in travel ball and music lessons. I sat on the sidelines 
and in parking lots waiting for what seemed like an eternity at 
times.

     I didn’t miss holding my breath as the boys climbed to the top 
of the trees for the apple on the top limb. I could stop and take 
pictures wherever I wanted. I didn’t have to wander down every 
row so it didn’t take me near as long to fill my little basket.

     I found joy in the solitude. I found a sweet spot saying yes to me.

     We get to this point in life ready or not. We sit even further 
away on the sidelines as we watch our children grow up. We have 
to make a choice whether we will say yes or no to the dreams we 
stowed away in our hearts while we made sandwiches and         
Kool-Aid. I’m glad I said yes to picking apples alone.

     Today’s half-day trips may well turn into weekends away 
tomorrow and new dreams and goals. And the taste of that is as sweet as biting into a just-picked North Carolina apple on a Saturday at the end of summer.

     Life’s a journey. Pay attention. 

#nonprofit life

     I like it best when they donate two-ply, but I can’t complain when the operative word is 

“donate.”

     It has been nearly two years since I joined the #nonprofit world. Little by little my eyes 

have been opened to the road that brought me here. It’s a meandering path filled with 

nuance and subtle changes.

     The learning curve hasn’t been too broad. I saw enough behind the scenes of church work 

in my youth to know that people are not always what they appear to be at first glance. This 

time, though, the revelations have been more about me than them.

     The crust of life must continually be chipped away to keep my heart soft and pliable, even 

when I help folks that I know are lying and looking to con me out of what I want to freely 

give.

Here are a few rules of #nonprofit life that I am learning:

     

     The first rule of #nonprofit life is that there are no set rules. People don’t need food and 

clothing at the appointed hours of giving. Sometimes they drag themselves in when it isn’t 

convenient and yet, they came through the doors and humbled themselves and asked for 

help. That’s what I try to remember.

     The second rule of #nonprofit life is that all job descriptions include the clause: willing to 

do anything at any time to get it done. Before hours, after hours, during hours, and even 

when it has absolutely nothing to do with the job you were hired to do. May include heavy 

lifting (i.e. carrying large sofas down twisted staircases), folding tangled aprons, or looking 

for expiration dates on 1,000 cans before sorting them for the food pantry.

    

     The third rule of #nonprofit life is that you must ask for money and donations. Often. 

Really often. I never knew I would constantly be on the lookout for yet another way to say, 

“Please give because we’re worth it.” I believe in what we do. Deep down, I just want you to 

believe too, without all of the begging. But it doesn’t work that way.

   

 By the way, got an extra $4?

 You can purchase a meal for one of our clients.

     The fourth rule of #nonprofit life is that when you start to feel cynicism creep into your 

belly, stop right then and go help someone. Drive a Meals on Wheels route. Take a fan to 

someone that doesn't have an air conditioner. Go buy a whole flat of canned fruit for the 

pantry. That’s the only way to stop the inner critic. That helps me remember why I’m here.

Help someone and help some more. 

     

     I pray loudly to God and ask him to use me. And he does, in the most unusual ways. And 

the more I see him at work, the more I see that it has not, nor ever will be about me.

I am a vessel.

     I want more than ever to be a vessel that is dinged, chipped, and smudged because I’m 

being used over and over again to get the hard work done. Not just because I work for a 

#nonprofit. Because I work for Him.