I don’t want my daddy to die. The two tracks we chose to believe after his cancer diagnosis were the miracle track and the reality track.
Reality is winning.
The only man I ever let call me darling is
leaving. I check my phone every morning to see if the scripture he sends out to
his kids and grandkids is there. When I see it pop up on the screen, it says
that I have one more day. Lately he chooses the Psalms for comfort or New
Testament calls to be strong in the Lord. You might think that it’s for him,
but it’s for us, the readers, who send our little heart and thumbs up emojis to
let him know we see him and his love for us.
He is always, always, always bringing us
back to Jesus.
A month ago, he started giving blessings
to his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Many of them drove a long way to come and
receive words from our patriarch. When unable to make it in person, they
listened over the phone or on FaceTime.
One Sunday in January, a large group of us gathered around his hospital bed in the middle of the living room as he spoke words of encouragement. My mom filled Dixie Cups with grape juice and my brother Jay broke slider buns into bite-sized pieces for this beautiful Christian ceremony that asks us to remember Jesus.
He led us through a tearful Communion and
then we sang together.
“Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and all that
is within me bless His holy name.”
Then he prayed:
“Father, thank you for my family, thank
you for the legacy. Thank you that they will continue to honor You and love
You. I praise you in Jesus name. Amen.”
I don’t want my daddy to die, but by
pouring into all of us here, at the end, he is reminding us all to live in the
legacy he has created, one that always chooses to pour into others the love
that Jesus has given to us.
Life's a journey. Pay attention.
Photo credits to my nieces Laura Fischer and Amanda Colle.
